Snack Review: Pringles Mingles Sharp White Cheddar & Ranch

Hey Pringles: Stay in your lane! You are relegated to tube snacks. You can change the size or length of the tube (twss), but you can't attempt to diversify your snack portfolio by going bag. Illegal maneuver. However, to their credit, that's what caught my attention as I went cow-mode, mooing down the snack aisle at the grocery store looking for some processed grains to masticate. I became hypnotized by this illicit offering. Surely the devil was at work here. The Great Deceiver himself luring me into temptation. 

Besides which, this particular item was massively discounted--perhaps an ominous foreboding, an indication of its unpopularity due to being gross. Would this Faustian Bargain (haven't read it, not sure what that means) bring great rewards to my mouth, or would it forever damn my snacksoul to snackhell? Find out in this snack review of Pringles Mingles Sharp White Cheddar & Ranch Puffed Snacks!

Pringles Mingles

As alluded to in the intro, the main driving factor to buying this snack was the "we need to get this off of our shelves" price. Normally $3.99, this was priced at a mere $0.99 for the 5.5oz (155g) bag. At that rate, I'd be losing money not to buy it. Besides, it looked new and weird.

Julius Pringles (the mustachioed mascot, and maybe the devil himself) stares out at me from the bag with his cold lifeless beady little eyes. "Come try my new light, airy, crispy snack" I hear it like a whisper of wind cutting through the dark night. "They're naturally and artificially flavored. A deliciously craveable new snack." I hold the bag in my hands transfixed, gazing at the ingredients label trying to guess which flavors are natural and which flavors are artificial. 

The first ingredient screams at me in bolded all caps: DEGERMINATED YELLOW CORN MEAL! 

"Could this be (one of) the 'bioengineered food ingredient' that Julius warned me about?" I begin to wonder before I fully realize the horror of the situation.

"Wait... CORN???" 

Pringles is a POTATO in a TUBE brand. And now they have CORN in a BAG? This truly is the work of The Devil. I fervently read over the rest of the ingredients looking for just one mention of any potato or potato derivative product to comfort me. None. I'm in freefall. The world around me is expanding like a clown balloon at the circus until it bursts.

Feeling lost, I login to my Wikipedia account and donate $3 like I always do every time I look up something and type "Pringles" into the search bar. The very first sentence of the Pringles Wikipedia entry is "Pringles is an American brand of stackable potato-based chips..." (emphasis mine). And then in the summary sidebar: "Product type - Potato snack" (ditto).

So what exactly is going on here? 

Pringles Mingles

The name rhymes. That's probably as far as it got in the marketing roundtable before getting approved. Mingles -- like mingling with friends! It's a fun social snack! Or maybe more like Mingles -- you know like the dating website! This is a Christian snack! (That might help explain The Devil's presence). Or perhaps even Aaaahhh Pringles Schmingles -- I don't care just get this crap out of here.

You have to wonder (and we'll get to this more later) did someone at Pringles have a bet that not only could they convince dumb Americans to eat packing peanuts, but also that they would pay premium snack prices to do so.

"It's the flavor of friendship"

Pringles

It's easy to continue to believe that Pringles is a laid back company. But that this time instead of a truckload of potatoes, someone had to figure out what to do with an excess of packing peanuts dumped on their doorstep. (There he goes about packing peanuts again, I wonder what he'll have to say about whether or not this snack is any good).

The Review

Appearance

These look like packing peanuts. The back of the bag describes these as "two flavors one bowtie" (hey, that reminds me of something else that is 2 things 1 thing!). So I guess they're saying these are a bowtie shape, probably in the manner of Mr. Pringles own neckwear--which you can see in some versions of the logo, in others of which it is merely evoked.

The snacks are also clearly dusted with flavor, featuring the telltale green speckles of Ranch style dressing. Each piece is about 1.25 inches long, which you would know if you looked at the bag because one of the bowties is labeled "actual size" even though it is larger than the actual snack inside. And looking at the bag again now, I think that the "smears of ranch" are maybe supposed to represent the mustache? 

Aroma

It's hard to pinpoint the smell. It's a chemical herb smell. There isn't a stank like you might expect from a "sharp cheddar" flavored snack. Maybe just oil and parsley with onion notes. Not enticing but not offensive. 

Taste

Look. No need to beat around the bush here. These are gross. They taste as chemically as they smell. The flavor isn't good. The mouthfeel is terrible. I hate these. I can't stop eating these. They're actually kinda good. Just one more. It's melting in my mouth. Yum! I love these!

Did someone mention packing peanuts? These are more like fried packing peanuts. There is a distinct crunch to them. They are as light and airy and crispy as they claim to be. I feel shame when I eat these--I don't know where that's coming from. I just know that a C-Suite Exec someplace is laughing his little head off that someone is actually eating the PringMings.

There are so many varieties of puffy crunchy corn based extruded snacks on the shelves. You'd be better off getting any of those. Ever heard of Cheeto's? Way better!

Final Thoughts

I knew these would be disgusting before buying them. All of the signs were there. You knew I knew these would be gross before you started reading. That's why you're reading. The Devil tricked nobody here. I am mad at Pringles for deviating from tube. I am saddened by Pringles deviating from potato. I would rather them continue to strike out with disgusting new flavors of potato chip (like Miller Lite Flavor) than try to branch out into realms where they do not belong.

I wonder if anyone has ever brought a bag to a party, to a mingle, to share with friends. Are these for adults? Children? Wayward teens who wash it down with a Xtreme Watermelon Crashberry Sparkling Caffeinated Alcoholic Seltzer tallboy? Or is this all just some kind of perverted joke played on regular Americans like you and me, by the ultrawealthy billionaire elites? I can imagine the companions that Julius P. might keep--in whomst's still-unreleased files he might appear.